The Story You Tell Yourself
Throughout my mental health journey, there have been several mile markers and voices that have unlocked certain keys for me to be healthy and move forward. One of those voices that I’ll never forget is Dr Brene Brown. Dr. Brown has become wildly popular in the last few years, including her own special on Netflix, but my wife and I have been following her work for many years prior to her explosive fame.
One thing she said in the first book we read from her, “Rising Strong”, massively changed the trajectory of my mental health and provided me with a tool that I still use daily.
She says,
Reality-checking using the phrase “The story I’m making up” is a powerful tool for personal curiosity and reflection. When we are hooked by emotion, the brain has a hard time focusing on anything else. Being curious and checking the accuracy of a story with others can prevent the story from festering or turning into a bigger problem.
When in conflict, with myself or with others, you’ll often hear me use this phrase, “The story I’m making up is…” Nothing defuses a situation, whether internal or external, quicker than you owning your own narrative that MAY not be true or entirely accurate. It takes the pressure off yourself or the other person.
If I become frustrated at myself about something I did or did not do, I quickly write out, “The story I’m making up is…” There in black and white I can see the crazy talk for what it is, evaluate it for any real truth, and disregard the rest.
If my wife and I aren’t on the same page about something and one of us feels the tension getting higher, we’ll confess, “The story I’m making up is….” This gives the other spouse the opportunity to address what may be true and discredit all that probably is false.
You see, this simple phrase can change every thought you have for the better. As Dr. Brown says, we are all incredible storytellers. We tell ourselves some of the most elaborate plots and schemes that nine times out of ten are completely fabricated from our own self-doubts and issues and totally made up!
Right now, today, in this very moment, what story are you believing about what’s happening in or around you? Speak it out, write it down. Take any truth for what it is, don’t dwell on it, and discredit all the lies. You’ll feel the results immediately.