My Story
Seeing how I am at the beginning of this writing and sharing journey, it only seemed appropriate to have my first post on mental health be about my story. This will allow you to understand where I’m coming from and the vulnerability I hope to spread.
I am Dustin Pead, a husband, father, and pastor, and this is my story.
There are moments throughout our lives that define us all. Growing up in a normal home with what I assumed was a normal family with normal problems, I learned very quickly how to suppress my feelings and not be a burden to others. I was too young to know then that I was setting the table for the enemy to have a seat there. That set the path for moment after moment in my early years to let the enemy in.
Fast forward to adulthood, I’m married, in full-time ministry, and have a beautiful wife, son, and daughter on the way. I had everything I couldn’t even dream of and was miserable. The enemy had planted seeds of bitterness, hurt, loss, shame, and anger accumulated in those moments over my “normal” life. Even though I had given my life to the Lord when I was 11 years old in a small baptist church in southern Virginia and dedicated my life to following His call into ministry, by the time I graduated High School, I was still lost. Not lost spiritually, I knew I had gained eternal salvation when I was 11, and I never doubted that. But I was lost inside.
The seat I had given the enemy at my table slowly took over every seat. There was no room for joy, hope, or contentment, and I saw no way out.
At the age of 30, with my daughter in her first year of life, I read a book by another struggling pastor. It was like reading a biography, my feelings in black and white, explained for the first time. I struggled with I just needed to have more faith, pray more, and read more, but ultimately I knew what I was up against. I could not face it alone.
One night, while crying at the foot of my bed with my wife, I asked her if she thought I needed help. She didn’t want to disappoint me but loved me too much to lie. She said yes, and that’s when I knew how bad it had gotten.
I immediately picked up the phone, called my doctor for an appointment, and was soon diagnosed with depression. Through accountability, medicine, and prayer, I was finally starting to put the pieces of my mind back together. It had gotten so bad that I still don’t remember much of my daughter’s first year of life.
BUT GOD changed everything. He put the people I needed in my life every step of the way, no matter where God called us to minister. He sent me story after story of others like me who were struggling. He gave me the bravery to begin talking about it and teaching about it. He went to work on my heart and uprooted all the bitterness, sadness, and hate. He took me, as psalm 40 says, “out of the miry pit, and set my feet upon the rock.” I am writing today, a different man than I was just nine years ago.
Through continued counseling, prayer, and constantly feeding myself the TRUTH, God has healed me. I still take medicine, as I understand the chemical imbalance I inherited. Still, I know that God put in place every doctor I saw, every counselor that helped unlock the door, and every friend that encouraged me along the way.
Freedom is possible, and I am a living testimony to the freedom God can bring.
The enemy says I’ll never be made whole. BUT GOD says, I already am whole.